She does get there eventually. A few times, she poses question at him to help her narrow down the direction. Carefully, she avoids addressing things in a way that needs words like right or left.
Wordlessly, she sits down beside him, legs dangling off the side of the rock. She sees the smoothies but doesn't reach for one yet.
That's... one of the things we're here to talk about.
[ He was hoping they could ease into it rather than kick it off, but on the other hand this isn't something trivial. This is their friendship, partnership... relationship-whatever, maybe it's best that they sort it out immediately.
There's a long pause as he wonders what the best way to start this would be. Maybe something simple, something honest. ]
-- I've been a jerk. I'm... I'm really sorry, Pyrrha.
[ Hearing those simple words does help ease her hurt, fixing something she wasn't sure could be fixed; had forgotten, perhaps, what it was like to breathe without feeling so grievous. Around them, the air seems to brighten, sky seeming bluer and view seeming sharper, more lively - all without anything really changing. ]
I'm sorry, too.
[ Within those words are others, accepting his apology by responding with one of her own. ]
I think... when I first learned about what Professor Ozpin wanted from me, I went so far into my own head, I didn't know how to come back out.
[ She stopped listening to people, stopped considering their feelings. The world was meant for her shoulders alone. It was such an easy vision to build up; and easier still to get lost in. ]
I guess... I haven't been a very good partner lately.
[ Mistakes were made by both sides of this partnership, there's no denying that. Know who fucked up the most though? A guy whose name starts with O and ends with Zpin.
Even today, he's putting an unfair burden and offering false choices to some farmer kid, and Jaune will probably blow a gasket when he learns of it. ]
Whatever Ozpin asked you to do, that... well. Nobody should have to deal with that. All this time, they teach us one thing, while the real fight is about-- well, who knows what.
[ In unspoken words, he means that whatever was forced on Pyrrha was never her fault to begin with. Still, the actual topic of today is "Why are we fighting so much?" ]
[ She had, too. Just like she's in no hurry to tell Nora what exactly Jaune had said that had upset her so much, she's also not particularly excited to reveal she had basically broke down crying on Nora.
We'll get back to the Ozpin discussion in a moment. Maybe. ]
I don't want to fight with you, Pyrrha. I don't even hate you.
[ In fact, it's quite the opposite. How could she even think that? Though it's been a few hours since he first heard "She thinks you hate her", so his response to that is a tired laugh as he bumps his shoulder against hers. Idiot!! -- no, perhaps he's the idiot. ]
...But she thinks we need to be honest with each other, and... in doing that, we might end up saying things that are painful to hear. But I need you to know that you're important to me, okay?
[ He picks up one of the smoothies and offers it to Pyrrha, this time a lot more gentle than when he forced Crocea Mors on her. ]
So... let's just talk. It's not a fight. And if it's so miserable, we'll at least have delicious smoothies, and-and a beautiful sunset, and... well... this rock is kinda cool, I guess... like from the movies, I dunno.
[ Reaching out, she takes the smoothie. Just for a second, her hand is touching his; the warmth of his skin is surprising and delightful (although she'd be hard pressed to admit that second). At the dirt and grass edging up to their rock, a few flowers bloom.
Pyrrha tries very, very hard to act like she didn't notice.
(Because it's embarrassing, and also brings up a few things to light. If forcefully kissing him hadn't already brought her feelings to light, she could have hidden them forever! Stupid flowers.
Let's just move on.)
She gives him a quick smile - quick and real, and heartfelt - before taking a sip of her smoothie. ]
This is delicious. Thank you, Jaune.
[ A pause. ]
You're important to me, too. ... That's why I want to get to know who you are now. We should be making up for lost time, not - not squabbling.
Yeah... having you back is... it's all I could've ever hoped for. I can't say it enough.
[ Still, in order for them to move on, it's important to be honest about where the tension is coming from. Agreeing on a Much Needed Talk was only the start, but actually talking about it? Now comes the hard part, but Jaune has decided that no matter which way this ends, he's not going to walk out on her like last time. ]
Pyrrha, you know why I reacted the way I did? Even though... even though I know I shouldn't have. [ Because Pyrrha certainly didn't deserve it. ]
After we lost you, my biggest fear was that I'd do something that would let you down. You... the first person who ever believed in me.
Every night, I'd practice wielding the new Crocea Mors, and... I'd listen to the instruction video you left behind. The weapon alone made me think of you all the time, but hearing it, in your voice, telling me how proud you are? It's what gives me strength to keep trying, no matter how many times I fall.
[ He pauses for a moment, reflecting on what he just said. ]
Then you come back, and I don't... well, I feel like I've disappointed you every step of the way. When you asked about what your mom said, I... that's when I knew I did something wrong. Because it's true, I could've written to your mom, or waited until we met her, but...
[ Quietly, he brings up his hand and buried his face in it. There's another pause when he inhales sharply, and then he finally finishes his thought. ]
[ Nothing she said in the video has changed in any way. She's still so proud of him, she still values her spot at his side - assuming he still wants her there; with this conversation, she's choosing to place her bets on that assumption - and everything else, everything that went unsaid... It's all true.
Part of her can't help but wonder, though - was it easier for him when she was only a video on a screen? Saying only safe things, him never having to be concerned about her feelings or wants. It's cruel to consider, perhaps, and part of her longs to quash the thought but, as the last few weeks have shown, not saying what they're thinking or feeling hasn't helped. What Pyrrha does do now is somewhat different, swinging her legs around so they're sitting on the same side of the rock, shoulders and knees touching side by side.
She knows her mother. She can absolve him of this. ]
She'd give you her blessing. Possibly not right away, but - if you explained herself and were honest, she would. She certainly wouldn't blame you for... [ there's a pause, as she gathers herself to say it clearly, ] - for what happened to me.
[ #watch as canon totally punches me in the face for this #thanks miles ]
[ There's just silence on his end after Pyrrha makes her request. Not because he's deliberating whether he should or not, but because he wants to look at her through dry eyes. Is the macho stuff getting to his head again, or does he just feel so used to pretending to be okay for the sake of the others? They've all lost so much, it never felt right to stop and cry once JNRR started their new quest.
It goes without saying that Pyrrha has lost a lot, too.
A few moments pass and Jaune finally finds it in himself to look over to her. ]
[ Part of her was honoured that he felt she was important enough to modify his family's heirloom sword and shield. That, when he passes it down to his own children, it'll include a part of her. ]
I want you to have Crocea Mors. It's part of who you are.
It's just a hand-me-down, Pyrrha. I am who I am because of you.
[ If Pyrrha hadn't picked him up and encouraged him, trained him, he wouldn't be where he is today. The broken part of him is also because of her, but time will heal that, and he doesn't begrudge her for it. When he had time to himself, he had also wondered if Pyrrha made her choices because of him. They've influenced each other, for better or worse.
Maybe encouraging her to pursue her destiny was his fault after all, even if he had no context of the conversation on that day.
He averts his gaze again, now that he acknowledged her undeserved kindness. ]
...but that's why the weapon is important now, too. If you really say it's okay, then I'd like to keep using it and... [ this part has nothing to do with the sword-- ] ...be a better friend this time.
[ That's not an Arc Promise because he expects he'll screw up over and over, but he won't stop getting back up every time he falls either. He'll try his hardest, both for his best friend and the guy she thinks she sees in him. ]
[ With a smile, content and self-possessed, she turns her head to face forward. The sunset has reached its apex, half an orange disc lingering at the horizon. It makes the whole world feel like its glowing, bright and warm and gold. It brings attention to the planes of his face, illuminating some lines and hiding shadows in others.
The sun's warmth touches her face and - for the first time - Pyrrha is aware of how lucky she is. Despite the depth of her hubris, she's alive. Even if it's only temporary, she has her life; and she has friends who love her. Even if only Jaune and Nora count among that number, even if she could lose them any moment... Spending time being bitter about a bleak future seems so stupid when she has the impossible chance to cherish what's here, now.
For the first time, she's grateful to whatever existential machinations pieced her back together. ]
No, don't be a better friend.
[ She nudges him with her shoulder. For so long - since they met, almost - these little touches and gestures have been a language only they speak, a silent rapport that no one else needs to understands.
[ He smiles simply, but it's also that genuine kind that he hasn't exhibited in a while. For the past year, his lips would mostly curve as a coping mechanism - if he convinces the team that he's okay then they wouldn't have to worry about him so much. Less negative feelings would also mean less Grimm to worry about at night.
Pyrrha, however, can make him smile just as easily as she can take it away if she wanted. It's scary, but not as hard as being in a world without her. As Jaune is filled with a new sense of hope, at least in themselves (the world is still a shitty place), the rock they're sitting on suddenly begins to glow bright turquoise. ]
I'd be honored, Pyrrha.
[ His focus lingers on her a little longer as she's looking into the distance, before he finally faces the same direction she's gazing upon. ]
... so, have you given any thought to getting a weapon here? [ He avoids saying "new", because Crocea Mors is still hers as much as his, should she ever need it. this is kind of gross ]
[ He poses the question just as she's commandeered his smoothie for an experimental taste. Pyrrha ends up gazing over the straw at him, briefly looking as abashed as a child caught doing something impermissible. ]
...
[ Right! Weapons. Um. ]
I was thinking about rebuilding Miló, if I can find a blacksmith's services.
[ ... not so surreptitiously, she switches her smoothie with his. ]
[ He doesn't know why he's surprised, Pyrrha has always had a way of catching him off-guard no matter what. He'll fully comprehend what just happened when his brain re-boots, but for now he's trying to keep up with the conversation-- ]
Huh? Oh-- uh. Hah! R-Right... w-well, I guess... the network is a good start, and... there's the task board, too. Yeah. There are all kinds of people here, there's bound to be someone...
[ As a girlfriend?! He hasn't thought of her like that since the dance. Here, they've been more like estranged siblings if anything. The most honest answer, however, is that he can't seem to find the passion for romance. He's too driven on bettering himself, perhaps so the person sitting next to him can trust him to have her back, and love is the death of duty and awesome RWBY plotlines. ]
Pyrrha... things aren't like they used to be in Beacon. I'm not sure if they ever will be.
[ He can forgive her for assuming otherwise, though, because time hasn't passed as much for Pyrrha as it has for the rest of them. ]
[ It could be a relief; it isn't. It isn't really an answer either, but Pyrrha isn't holding that against him. They had promised to be honest with one another. He's doing that as best as he knows how.
Whatever scarred him so - it has to bigger than just her, it has to - he hasn't begun to heal yet.
When he does, at least... it won't be under their roof. That much, Pyrrha isn't sure she could have abided.
She nods. ]
... I'm sorry.
[ This time, it's for for the locker, and what had directly preceded it. In that specifically, she'd had no right.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
She does get there eventually. A few times, she poses question at him to help her narrow down the direction. Carefully, she avoids addressing things in a way that needs words like right or left.
Wordlessly, she sits down beside him, legs dangling off the side of the rock. She sees the smoothies but doesn't reach for one yet.
He's right about the view. It's beautiful. ]
Jaune...
[ A sigh. ]
Why are we fighting so much now?
no subject
[ He was hoping they could ease into it rather than kick it off, but on the other hand this isn't something trivial. This is their friendship, partnership... relationship-whatever, maybe it's best that they sort it out immediately.
There's a long pause as he wonders what the best way to start this would be. Maybe something simple, something honest. ]
-- I've been a jerk. I'm... I'm really sorry, Pyrrha.
[ Let's start with that. ]
no subject
I'm sorry, too.
[ Within those words are others, accepting his apology by responding with one of her own. ]
I think... when I first learned about what Professor Ozpin wanted from me, I went so far into my own head, I didn't know how to come back out.
[ She stopped listening to people, stopped considering their feelings. The world was meant for her shoulders alone. It was such an easy vision to build up; and easier still to get lost in. ]
I guess... I haven't been a very good partner lately.
no subject
Even today, he's putting an unfair burden and offering false choices to some farmer kid, and Jaune will probably blow a gasket when he learns of it. ]
Whatever Ozpin asked you to do, that... well. Nobody should have to deal with that. All this time, they teach us one thing, while the real fight is about-- well, who knows what.
[ In unspoken words, he means that whatever was forced on Pyrrha was never her fault to begin with. Still, the actual topic of today is "Why are we fighting so much?" ]
...I spoke with Nora.
no subject
Oh?
[ She had, too. Just like she's in no hurry to tell Nora what exactly Jaune had said that had upset her so much, she's also not particularly excited to reveal she had basically broke down crying on Nora.
We'll get back to the Ozpin discussion in a moment. Maybe. ]
no subject
[ In fact, it's quite the opposite. How could she even think that? Though it's been a few hours since he first heard "She thinks you hate her", so his response to that is a tired laugh as he bumps his shoulder against hers. Idiot!! -- no, perhaps he's the idiot. ]
...But she thinks we need to be honest with each other, and... in doing that, we might end up saying things that are painful to hear. But I need you to know that you're important to me, okay?
[ He picks up one of the smoothies and offers it to Pyrrha, this time a lot more gentle than when he forced Crocea Mors on her. ]
So... let's just talk. It's not a fight. And if it's so miserable, we'll at least have delicious smoothies, and-and a beautiful sunset, and... well... this rock is kinda cool, I guess... like from the movies, I dunno.
no subject
Pyrrha tries very, very hard to act like she didn't notice.
(Because it's embarrassing, and also brings up a few things to light. If forcefully kissing him hadn't already brought her feelings to light, she could have hidden them forever! Stupid flowers.
Let's just move on.)
She gives him a quick smile - quick and real, and heartfelt - before taking a sip of her smoothie. ]
This is delicious. Thank you, Jaune.
[ A pause. ]
You're important to me, too. ... That's why I want to get to know who you are now. We should be making up for lost time, not - not squabbling.
no subject
[ Still, in order for them to move on, it's important to be honest about where the tension is coming from. Agreeing on a Much Needed Talk was only the start, but actually talking about it? Now comes the hard part, but Jaune has decided that no matter which way this ends, he's not going to walk out on her like last time. ]
Pyrrha, you know why I reacted the way I did? Even though... even though I know I shouldn't have. [ Because Pyrrha certainly didn't deserve it. ]
no subject
... I'd like to hear why from you.
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After we lost you, my biggest fear was that I'd do something that would let you down. You... the first person who ever believed in me.
Every night, I'd practice wielding the new Crocea Mors, and... I'd listen to the instruction video you left behind. The weapon alone made me think of you all the time, but hearing it, in your voice, telling me how proud you are? It's what gives me strength to keep trying, no matter how many times I fall.
[ He pauses for a moment, reflecting on what he just said. ]
Then you come back, and I don't... well, I feel like I've disappointed you every step of the way. When you asked about what your mom said, I... that's when I knew I did something wrong. Because it's true, I could've written to your mom, or waited until we met her, but...
[ Quietly, he brings up his hand and buried his face in it. There's another pause when he inhales sharply, and then he finally finishes his thought. ]
...I'm scared of what she'll say.
no subject
[ Nothing she said in the video has changed in any way. She's still so proud of him, she still values her spot at his side - assuming he still wants her there; with this conversation, she's choosing to place her bets on that assumption - and everything else, everything that went unsaid... It's all true.
Part of her can't help but wonder, though - was it easier for him when she was only a video on a screen? Saying only safe things, him never having to be concerned about her feelings or wants. It's cruel to consider, perhaps, and part of her longs to quash the thought but, as the last few weeks have shown, not saying what they're thinking or feeling hasn't helped. What Pyrrha does do now is somewhat different, swinging her legs around so they're sitting on the same side of the rock, shoulders and knees touching side by side.
She knows her mother. She can absolve him of this. ]
She'd give you her blessing. Possibly not right away, but - if you explained herself and were honest, she would. She certainly wouldn't blame you for... [ there's a pause, as she gathers herself to say it clearly, ] - for what happened to me.
[ #watch as canon totally punches me in the face for this
#thanks miles ]
Everything I see in you, she will, too.
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It doesn't change the fact that I've been selfish and cowardly. I just wish I had realized sooner.
[ (watch canon reveal that they had her blessing all along tbh) ]
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[ ugh you gorgeous idiot ]
Look at me.
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It goes without saying that Pyrrha has lost a lot, too.
A few moments pass and Jaune finally finds it in himself to look over to her. ]
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[ Part of her was honoured that he felt she was important enough to modify his family's heirloom sword and shield. That, when he passes it down to his own children, it'll include a part of her. ]
I want you to have Crocea Mors. It's part of who you are.
no subject
[ If Pyrrha hadn't picked him up and encouraged him, trained him, he wouldn't be where he is today. The broken part of him is also because of her, but time will heal that, and he doesn't begrudge her for it. When he had time to himself, he had also wondered if Pyrrha made her choices because of him. They've influenced each other, for better or worse.
Maybe encouraging her to pursue her destiny was his fault after all, even if he had no context of the conversation on that day.
He averts his gaze again, now that he acknowledged her undeserved kindness. ]
...but that's why the weapon is important now, too. If you really say it's okay, then I'd like to keep using it and... [ this part has nothing to do with the sword-- ] ...be a better friend this time.
[ That's not an Arc Promise because he expects he'll screw up over and over, but he won't stop getting back up every time he falls either. He'll try his hardest, both for his best friend and the guy she thinks she sees in him. ]
no subject
The sun's warmth touches her face and - for the first time - Pyrrha is aware of how lucky she is. Despite the depth of her hubris, she's alive. Even if it's only temporary, she has her life; and she has friends who love her. Even if only Jaune and Nora count among that number, even if she could lose them any moment... Spending time being bitter about a bleak future seems so stupid when she has the impossible chance to cherish what's here, now.
For the first time, she's grateful to whatever existential machinations pieced her back together. ]
No, don't be a better friend.
[ She nudges him with her shoulder. For so long - since they met, almost - these little touches and gestures have been a language only they speak, a silent rapport that no one else needs to understands.
Pyrrha's so, so glad she didn't lose that. ]
Be my best friend.
no subject
Pyrrha, however, can make him smile just as easily as she can take it away if she wanted. It's scary, but not as hard as being in a world without her. As Jaune is filled with a new sense of hope, at least in themselves (the world is still a shitty place), the rock they're sitting on suddenly begins to glow bright turquoise. ]
I'd be honored, Pyrrha.
[ His focus lingers on her a little longer as she's looking into the distance, before he finally faces the same direction she's gazing upon. ]
... so, have you given any thought to getting a weapon here? [ He avoids saying "new", because Crocea Mors is still hers as much as his, should she ever need it. this is kind of gross ]
no subject
...
[ Right! Weapons. Um. ]
I was thinking about rebuilding Miló, if I can find a blacksmith's services.
[ ... not so surreptitiously, she switches her smoothie with his. ]
no subject
Huh? Oh-- uh. Hah! R-Right... w-well, I guess... the network is a good start, and... there's the task board, too. Yeah. There are all kinds of people here, there's bound to be someone...
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[ Just in case you missed it, she said we.
She sets down the smoothie formerly known as Jaune's. ]
... Jaune?
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[ Could this be going somewhere good or somewhere bad? Hearing her start something with his name can always go either way. ]
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Embarrassing? All of the hells yeah. ]
Are you still interested in Weiss?
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[ As a girlfriend?! He hasn't thought of her like that since the dance. Here, they've been more like estranged siblings if anything. The most honest answer, however, is that he can't seem to find the passion for romance. He's too driven on bettering himself, perhaps so the person sitting next to him can trust him to have her back, and love is the death of duty and awesome RWBY plotlines. ]
Pyrrha... things aren't like they used to be in Beacon. I'm not sure if they ever will be.
[ He can forgive her for assuming otherwise, though, because time hasn't passed as much for Pyrrha as it has for the rest of them. ]
no subject
Whatever scarred him so - it has to bigger than just her, it has to - he hasn't begun to heal yet.
When he does, at least... it won't be under their roof. That much, Pyrrha isn't sure she could have abided.
She nods. ]
... I'm sorry.
[ This time, it's for for the locker, and what had directly preceded it. In that specifically, she'd had no right.]
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