After we lost you, my biggest fear was that I'd do something that would let you down. You... the first person who ever believed in me.
Every night, I'd practice wielding the new Crocea Mors, and... I'd listen to the instruction video you left behind. The weapon alone made me think of you all the time, but hearing it, in your voice, telling me how proud you are? It's what gives me strength to keep trying, no matter how many times I fall.
[ He pauses for a moment, reflecting on what he just said. ]
Then you come back, and I don't... well, I feel like I've disappointed you every step of the way. When you asked about what your mom said, I... that's when I knew I did something wrong. Because it's true, I could've written to your mom, or waited until we met her, but...
[ Quietly, he brings up his hand and buried his face in it. There's another pause when he inhales sharply, and then he finally finishes his thought. ]
[ Nothing she said in the video has changed in any way. She's still so proud of him, she still values her spot at his side - assuming he still wants her there; with this conversation, she's choosing to place her bets on that assumption - and everything else, everything that went unsaid... It's all true.
Part of her can't help but wonder, though - was it easier for him when she was only a video on a screen? Saying only safe things, him never having to be concerned about her feelings or wants. It's cruel to consider, perhaps, and part of her longs to quash the thought but, as the last few weeks have shown, not saying what they're thinking or feeling hasn't helped. What Pyrrha does do now is somewhat different, swinging her legs around so they're sitting on the same side of the rock, shoulders and knees touching side by side.
She knows her mother. She can absolve him of this. ]
She'd give you her blessing. Possibly not right away, but - if you explained herself and were honest, she would. She certainly wouldn't blame you for... [ there's a pause, as she gathers herself to say it clearly, ] - for what happened to me.
[ #watch as canon totally punches me in the face for this #thanks miles ]
[ There's just silence on his end after Pyrrha makes her request. Not because he's deliberating whether he should or not, but because he wants to look at her through dry eyes. Is the macho stuff getting to his head again, or does he just feel so used to pretending to be okay for the sake of the others? They've all lost so much, it never felt right to stop and cry once JNRR started their new quest.
It goes without saying that Pyrrha has lost a lot, too.
A few moments pass and Jaune finally finds it in himself to look over to her. ]
[ Part of her was honoured that he felt she was important enough to modify his family's heirloom sword and shield. That, when he passes it down to his own children, it'll include a part of her. ]
I want you to have Crocea Mors. It's part of who you are.
It's just a hand-me-down, Pyrrha. I am who I am because of you.
[ If Pyrrha hadn't picked him up and encouraged him, trained him, he wouldn't be where he is today. The broken part of him is also because of her, but time will heal that, and he doesn't begrudge her for it. When he had time to himself, he had also wondered if Pyrrha made her choices because of him. They've influenced each other, for better or worse.
Maybe encouraging her to pursue her destiny was his fault after all, even if he had no context of the conversation on that day.
He averts his gaze again, now that he acknowledged her undeserved kindness. ]
...but that's why the weapon is important now, too. If you really say it's okay, then I'd like to keep using it and... [ this part has nothing to do with the sword-- ] ...be a better friend this time.
[ That's not an Arc Promise because he expects he'll screw up over and over, but he won't stop getting back up every time he falls either. He'll try his hardest, both for his best friend and the guy she thinks she sees in him. ]
[ With a smile, content and self-possessed, she turns her head to face forward. The sunset has reached its apex, half an orange disc lingering at the horizon. It makes the whole world feel like its glowing, bright and warm and gold. It brings attention to the planes of his face, illuminating some lines and hiding shadows in others.
The sun's warmth touches her face and - for the first time - Pyrrha is aware of how lucky she is. Despite the depth of her hubris, she's alive. Even if it's only temporary, she has her life; and she has friends who love her. Even if only Jaune and Nora count among that number, even if she could lose them any moment... Spending time being bitter about a bleak future seems so stupid when she has the impossible chance to cherish what's here, now.
For the first time, she's grateful to whatever existential machinations pieced her back together. ]
No, don't be a better friend.
[ She nudges him with her shoulder. For so long - since they met, almost - these little touches and gestures have been a language only they speak, a silent rapport that no one else needs to understands.
[ He smiles simply, but it's also that genuine kind that he hasn't exhibited in a while. For the past year, his lips would mostly curve as a coping mechanism - if he convinces the team that he's okay then they wouldn't have to worry about him so much. Less negative feelings would also mean less Grimm to worry about at night.
Pyrrha, however, can make him smile just as easily as she can take it away if she wanted. It's scary, but not as hard as being in a world without her. As Jaune is filled with a new sense of hope, at least in themselves (the world is still a shitty place), the rock they're sitting on suddenly begins to glow bright turquoise. ]
I'd be honored, Pyrrha.
[ His focus lingers on her a little longer as she's looking into the distance, before he finally faces the same direction she's gazing upon. ]
... so, have you given any thought to getting a weapon here? [ He avoids saying "new", because Crocea Mors is still hers as much as his, should she ever need it. this is kind of gross ]
[ He poses the question just as she's commandeered his smoothie for an experimental taste. Pyrrha ends up gazing over the straw at him, briefly looking as abashed as a child caught doing something impermissible. ]
...
[ Right! Weapons. Um. ]
I was thinking about rebuilding Miló, if I can find a blacksmith's services.
[ ... not so surreptitiously, she switches her smoothie with his. ]
[ He doesn't know why he's surprised, Pyrrha has always had a way of catching him off-guard no matter what. He'll fully comprehend what just happened when his brain re-boots, but for now he's trying to keep up with the conversation-- ]
Huh? Oh-- uh. Hah! R-Right... w-well, I guess... the network is a good start, and... there's the task board, too. Yeah. There are all kinds of people here, there's bound to be someone...
[ As a girlfriend?! He hasn't thought of her like that since the dance. Here, they've been more like estranged siblings if anything. The most honest answer, however, is that he can't seem to find the passion for romance. He's too driven on bettering himself, perhaps so the person sitting next to him can trust him to have her back, and love is the death of duty and awesome RWBY plotlines. ]
Pyrrha... things aren't like they used to be in Beacon. I'm not sure if they ever will be.
[ He can forgive her for assuming otherwise, though, because time hasn't passed as much for Pyrrha as it has for the rest of them. ]
[ It could be a relief; it isn't. It isn't really an answer either, but Pyrrha isn't holding that against him. They had promised to be honest with one another. He's doing that as best as he knows how.
Whatever scarred him so - it has to bigger than just her, it has to - he hasn't begun to heal yet.
When he does, at least... it won't be under their roof. That much, Pyrrha isn't sure she could have abided.
She nods. ]
... I'm sorry.
[ This time, it's for for the locker, and what had directly preceded it. In that specifically, she'd had no right.]
Yeah, it's... it's okay, really. I'm okay. [ For the first time in a long time, he might actually mean it.
He knows what she's sorry for. He knows why she asked about Weiss, too. He knows, and she knows that he knows, that's what's going to be different this time around, and maybe someday he'll even recover from these invisible scars. Until then, they probably have more mistakes and Bad Ideas to get through! ]
People have come back from worse, heh. [ He means you, partner. ] Thank you, Pyrrha.
She had kissed him and he had kissed her back, and she hadn't survived the hour and he had drifted, grown, changed. The boy who had put his hands on her waist and pulled her in - he's gone; she had destroyed him along with her whole existence, eviscerating on a cruel wind. She didn't get to witness that change, no - she was slammed into it, dropped unceremoniously into a Jaune that fractally resembles the partner she left behind.
Despite that, she hasn't forgotten that earlier moment. She had stood close, closer than she ought to have, and his gaze had drifted past her eyes, down, down to her lips. A step closer and - what?
In the wake of such tumultuous confusion, Pyrrha decides the best thing she can do is take him at face value. The possibility of them being anything more than friends and partners died on the steps of Beacon. That doesn't mean she wants to stop being his friend. It may hurt - especially, to watch him heal, the day his heart grows to encompass more than just his team - but it can't possibly hurt more than what she's already put him through.
She can live with it. She can even smile.
... ]
Of course.
[ The sun has all but disappeared from the sky now. Despite that, she's in no hurry to get up. ]
You should really drink your smoothie before it melts.
[ It's no fun if she switches them and he doesn't even react! ]
[ He's fast enough to get the drop on her now, leaving her hands empty before she can reflexively contest. Good boy.
She picks up her original one again, nursing it between her hands without taking a sip quite yet. His was better. ]
I like it, too.
[ Although not as bright as a few minutes ago, the rock is still a faded turquoise, warmed with the energy of dunamis. Pyrrha knows she doesn't want him to bring anyone else here, but she also knows she forfeit all right to ask such a thing. It's far too intimate a notion, now - especially as training is no longer involved. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
After we lost you, my biggest fear was that I'd do something that would let you down. You... the first person who ever believed in me.
Every night, I'd practice wielding the new Crocea Mors, and... I'd listen to the instruction video you left behind. The weapon alone made me think of you all the time, but hearing it, in your voice, telling me how proud you are? It's what gives me strength to keep trying, no matter how many times I fall.
[ He pauses for a moment, reflecting on what he just said. ]
Then you come back, and I don't... well, I feel like I've disappointed you every step of the way. When you asked about what your mom said, I... that's when I knew I did something wrong. Because it's true, I could've written to your mom, or waited until we met her, but...
[ Quietly, he brings up his hand and buried his face in it. There's another pause when he inhales sharply, and then he finally finishes his thought. ]
...I'm scared of what she'll say.
no subject
[ Nothing she said in the video has changed in any way. She's still so proud of him, she still values her spot at his side - assuming he still wants her there; with this conversation, she's choosing to place her bets on that assumption - and everything else, everything that went unsaid... It's all true.
Part of her can't help but wonder, though - was it easier for him when she was only a video on a screen? Saying only safe things, him never having to be concerned about her feelings or wants. It's cruel to consider, perhaps, and part of her longs to quash the thought but, as the last few weeks have shown, not saying what they're thinking or feeling hasn't helped. What Pyrrha does do now is somewhat different, swinging her legs around so they're sitting on the same side of the rock, shoulders and knees touching side by side.
She knows her mother. She can absolve him of this. ]
She'd give you her blessing. Possibly not right away, but - if you explained herself and were honest, she would. She certainly wouldn't blame you for... [ there's a pause, as she gathers herself to say it clearly, ] - for what happened to me.
[ #watch as canon totally punches me in the face for this
#thanks miles ]
Everything I see in you, she will, too.
no subject
It doesn't change the fact that I've been selfish and cowardly. I just wish I had realized sooner.
[ (watch canon reveal that they had her blessing all along tbh) ]
no subject
[ ugh you gorgeous idiot ]
Look at me.
no subject
It goes without saying that Pyrrha has lost a lot, too.
A few moments pass and Jaune finally finds it in himself to look over to her. ]
no subject
[ Part of her was honoured that he felt she was important enough to modify his family's heirloom sword and shield. That, when he passes it down to his own children, it'll include a part of her. ]
I want you to have Crocea Mors. It's part of who you are.
no subject
[ If Pyrrha hadn't picked him up and encouraged him, trained him, he wouldn't be where he is today. The broken part of him is also because of her, but time will heal that, and he doesn't begrudge her for it. When he had time to himself, he had also wondered if Pyrrha made her choices because of him. They've influenced each other, for better or worse.
Maybe encouraging her to pursue her destiny was his fault after all, even if he had no context of the conversation on that day.
He averts his gaze again, now that he acknowledged her undeserved kindness. ]
...but that's why the weapon is important now, too. If you really say it's okay, then I'd like to keep using it and... [ this part has nothing to do with the sword-- ] ...be a better friend this time.
[ That's not an Arc Promise because he expects he'll screw up over and over, but he won't stop getting back up every time he falls either. He'll try his hardest, both for his best friend and the guy she thinks she sees in him. ]
no subject
The sun's warmth touches her face and - for the first time - Pyrrha is aware of how lucky she is. Despite the depth of her hubris, she's alive. Even if it's only temporary, she has her life; and she has friends who love her. Even if only Jaune and Nora count among that number, even if she could lose them any moment... Spending time being bitter about a bleak future seems so stupid when she has the impossible chance to cherish what's here, now.
For the first time, she's grateful to whatever existential machinations pieced her back together. ]
No, don't be a better friend.
[ She nudges him with her shoulder. For so long - since they met, almost - these little touches and gestures have been a language only they speak, a silent rapport that no one else needs to understands.
Pyrrha's so, so glad she didn't lose that. ]
Be my best friend.
no subject
Pyrrha, however, can make him smile just as easily as she can take it away if she wanted. It's scary, but not as hard as being in a world without her. As Jaune is filled with a new sense of hope, at least in themselves (the world is still a shitty place), the rock they're sitting on suddenly begins to glow bright turquoise. ]
I'd be honored, Pyrrha.
[ His focus lingers on her a little longer as she's looking into the distance, before he finally faces the same direction she's gazing upon. ]
... so, have you given any thought to getting a weapon here? [ He avoids saying "new", because Crocea Mors is still hers as much as his, should she ever need it. this is kind of gross ]
no subject
...
[ Right! Weapons. Um. ]
I was thinking about rebuilding Miló, if I can find a blacksmith's services.
[ ... not so surreptitiously, she switches her smoothie with his. ]
no subject
Huh? Oh-- uh. Hah! R-Right... w-well, I guess... the network is a good start, and... there's the task board, too. Yeah. There are all kinds of people here, there's bound to be someone...
no subject
[ Just in case you missed it, she said we.
She sets down the smoothie formerly known as Jaune's. ]
... Jaune?
no subject
[ Could this be going somewhere good or somewhere bad? Hearing her start something with his name can always go either way. ]
no subject
Embarrassing? All of the hells yeah. ]
Are you still interested in Weiss?
no subject
[ As a girlfriend?! He hasn't thought of her like that since the dance. Here, they've been more like estranged siblings if anything. The most honest answer, however, is that he can't seem to find the passion for romance. He's too driven on bettering himself, perhaps so the person sitting next to him can trust him to have her back, and love is the death of duty and awesome RWBY plotlines. ]
Pyrrha... things aren't like they used to be in Beacon. I'm not sure if they ever will be.
[ He can forgive her for assuming otherwise, though, because time hasn't passed as much for Pyrrha as it has for the rest of them. ]
no subject
Whatever scarred him so - it has to bigger than just her, it has to - he hasn't begun to heal yet.
When he does, at least... it won't be under their roof. That much, Pyrrha isn't sure she could have abided.
She nods. ]
... I'm sorry.
[ This time, it's for for the locker, and what had directly preceded it. In that specifically, she'd had no right.]
no subject
He knows what she's sorry for. He knows why she asked about Weiss, too. He knows, and she knows that he knows, that's what's going to be different this time around, and maybe someday he'll even recover from these invisible scars. Until then, they probably have more mistakes and Bad Ideas to get through! ]
People have come back from worse, heh. [ He means you, partner. ] Thank you, Pyrrha.
no subject
She had kissed him and he had kissed her back, and she hadn't survived the hour and he had drifted, grown, changed. The boy who had put his hands on her waist and pulled her in - he's gone; she had destroyed him along with her whole existence, eviscerating on a cruel wind. She didn't get to witness that change, no - she was slammed into it, dropped unceremoniously into a Jaune that fractally resembles the partner she left behind.
Despite that, she hasn't forgotten that earlier moment. She had stood close, closer than she ought to have, and his gaze had drifted past her eyes, down, down to her lips. A step closer and - what?
In the wake of such tumultuous confusion, Pyrrha decides the best thing she can do is take him at face value. The possibility of them being anything more than friends and partners died on the steps of Beacon. That doesn't mean she wants to stop being his friend. It may hurt - especially, to watch him heal, the day his heart grows to encompass more than just his team - but it can't possibly hurt more than what she's already put him through.
She can live with it. She can even smile.
... ]
Of course.
[ The sun has all but disappeared from the sky now. Despite that, she's in no hurry to get up. ]
You should really drink your smoothie before it melts.
[ It's no fun if she switches them and he doesn't even react! ]
no subject
[ Which is why he playfully snatches his original one back from Pyrrha and slurps through the straw.
It's as if they're exchanging saliva again already. ]
Y'know, this spot is kinda nice. Reminds me of the rooftop, in a weird way.
[ Dark, secluded, nice view... he even discovered it initially by training here, too. ]
no subject
She picks up her original one again, nursing it between her hands without taking a sip quite yet. His was better. ]
I like it, too.
[ Although not as bright as a few minutes ago, the rock is still a faded turquoise, warmed with the energy of dunamis. Pyrrha knows she doesn't want him to bring anyone else here, but she also knows she forfeit all right to ask such a thing. It's far too intimate a notion, now - especially as training is no longer involved. ]
Thank you for sharing it with me.