[ Ah, they're doing that thing where they're both saying the same thing at the same time. ]
--sorry.
[ He shouldn't interrupt her, he missed her voice. On the other hand, maybe he should say something now? No-- no, he should let Pyrrha speak, right? Augh! What to do?!
...
Jaune tugs at his piece of the blanket and covers himself as much as he can. Weirdly enough, it makes him feel a little more secure. ]
[ Balefully, she sighs. It's hard to get this out but she's had a whole week to think about being brave, about the tangled skein of her feelings.
After everything she's put him through, he at least deserves honesty. ]
... I knew the day would come when you wouldn't need me anymore; I just didn't expect it to be so soon.
[ And she's proud, she really is! He's so much stronger now, a man she's still trying to figure out as opposed to the inept, optimistic, pushover boy she had known. But there's also what comes next, and how it'll only pull him further and further away from her. Perhaps selfishly, she's not ready to have her heart broken again, not when she's wondering, hasn't she been through enough? Trying to get through these past few months has been hard. Her own perception of what the future holds will only make it worse.
Still, isn't this pain - or any pain - worth enduring for his happiness? She promised to be his best friend. She said they were still partners. It's high time she started acting like it.
Eyes clear, she lifts her head. Her smile is watery, the product of effort. ]
Jaune, it's okay. You can be with whoever you want. -- I want to be here for you no matter where our lives lead.
[ Implicitly, she's ending the moratorium on being alone together. ]
[ Underneath the blanket, Jaune's hand finds Pyrrha's and squeezes it, even if he can't quite meet her eyes yet. Please stop talking nonsense, partner, you're killing him here. ]
Pyrrha. [ It's said quietly, but firmly. ] It was never about that...
[ Even he can't quite explain his rationale, but it's got nothing to do with wanting to be with someone else. If there's one thing he is sure of, it's that he doesn't want to be anywhere but here with her. ]
I don't know how to be what... you want me to be. Yet. [ Visibly, he looks ashamed to say that, because he knows he's hurting her. The fact that she even has to question her right to be here after coming back to life makes him feel sick. Why does he keep letting her down like this?! ]
[ He squeezes her hand and Pyrrha, despite all rational inclinations, holds back, fingers grasping for his in a way that could almost be considered desperate. It's difficult to accept what he's saying after she spent so long telling herself the opposite was true - that if he wanted to be with her, he would be; that he was still unimpressed by her; that something between them broke in a way beyond fixing. She hasn't forgotten how quickly he fled the house after fighting with Weiss. Pyrrha's tired of being torn up. There's a lot she's tired of, in fact.
She's silent for a long few moments after he finishes speaking. If she's well within her rights to demand an answer, then... ]
Jaune, what do you want?
[ It's gently asked. For what seems like the millionth time, she's telling herself, one more try and then she's done -- ]
[ That's... a broad question. Jaune takes a moment to think of the least convoluted but honest answer. ]
I... want to wake up every morning, and not be scared of losing everything again. It's messed up, I know.
[ It's why he trains himself to exhaustion every night, why he's paranoid whenever the team doesn't stick together, why he can't commit to anything else - not a job, not romance. It's not the leader's job to ever make the team worry about them either, it's at least one thing only he and Ruby understand about each other, but Pyrrha likely knows this side of him, too. ]
Truth is, I'm not doing very okay.
[ And he needs her. Does he really have to actually spell it out? ]
[ It's an answer, even if it's not what she wants to hear, and the faint notes of anguish in the back of his voice tugs at her heartstrings. If he had just said this from the beginning, a lot of time and confusion and pain could have been avoided. That fact is well mitigated by him being open with her now. He's giving her a chance to be his partner, truly and completely. Pyrrha doesn't want to let him down any more than she already has.
Sliding a few inches toward, her arms come around him, enfolding him in a clear, warm hug. There's arguably a note of intimacy in it, something indistinguishably beyond platonic in the way she buries her face against the crook of his neck. One hand rubs at his back. ]
Jaune... [ Her voice tries for the assurance of her last life, but - when he breaks, she breaks too. ]
[ He's not sure if he can, even. But Pyrrha is here, once again giving him exactly what he needs, and one day he will give her what she wants, too. What they both want. If... she's willing to be patient with his own recovery process. ]
Is it... really okay, then? Can we be, like, the new Ren and Nora now? Or-- just us. Jaune and Pyrrha.
[ What he means is being together but not together-together until he gets his shit... together! But also trusting in where they are standing with each other.
Us— [ Testing, she repeats the words. The hug becomes less taut and desperate, something considerably more languid. Impulsively, Pyrrha brushes some hair out of his face and kisses his temple.
As soon as she does, a square foot of flowers bloom in the front yard, yellow and pink petals spreading toward the sky.
Somewhat embarrassed, somewhat hiding a smile, Pyrrha averts her head. ]
... It's okay. I would have waited before, if you had only asked me.
[ Implying she didn't wait before (she totally did) -- oops! :D ]
[ Pyrrha does the thing and his heart skips a beat. It's less of an adrenaline rush this time and more of a quick jolt that takes him out of dark place, followed by an overwhelming sense of relief.
Jaune's hand comes up and he traces the spot that Pyrrha just kissed on his head. Unlike her, he doesn't hide his smile, but he also doesn't realize that he is in fact responding with one. It's moot in the end anyway, as Pyrrha is the one who's looking away this time when he faces her. ]
It goes without saying, but you don't have to do anything alone either. I mean it, I'll always have your back, even if nothing else makes sense to me.
[ Eventually, she does look back at him. The flowers have stopped spreading through the front lawn but her smile has yet to temper, mint-bright as the moment he gave her reason to. Under the blanket, their hands are still linked, while her other arm lingers around him, hesitant to let go. What would happen if she moved away from him now? Even the coolness of early evening is chased away by a sphere of warmth generated between them, as if they were entirely in their own little galaxy, sustained by a star that only exists when they're together, close, touching.
I'll always have your back...
On her next words, her tone lightens. Unlike before, it's genuine. ]
Well. [ On her second impulse in as many minutes, she burrows under his arm, gently forcing it around her. ] I'll try to make sure everything makes sense this time around.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Ah, they're doing that thing where they're both saying the same thing at the same time. ]
--sorry.
[ He shouldn't interrupt her, he missed her voice. On the other hand, maybe he should say something now? No-- no, he should let Pyrrha speak, right? Augh! What to do?!
...
Jaune tugs at his piece of the blanket and covers himself as much as he can. Weirdly enough, it makes him feel a little more secure. ]
no subject
After everything she's put him through, he at least deserves honesty. ]
... I knew the day would come when you wouldn't need me anymore; I just didn't expect it to be so soon.
[ And she's proud, she really is! He's so much stronger now, a man she's still trying to figure out as opposed to the inept, optimistic, pushover boy she had known. But there's also what comes next, and how it'll only pull him further and further away from her. Perhaps selfishly, she's not ready to have her heart broken again, not when she's wondering, hasn't she been through enough? Trying to get through these past few months has been hard. Her own perception of what the future holds will only make it worse.
Still, isn't this pain - or any pain - worth enduring for his happiness? She promised to be his best friend. She said they were still partners. It's high time she started acting like it.
Eyes clear, she lifts her head. Her smile is watery, the product of effort. ]
Jaune, it's okay. You can be with whoever you want. -- I want to be here for you no matter where our lives lead.
[ Implicitly, she's ending the moratorium on being alone together. ]
As long as you're happy, then I will be too.
no subject
Pyrrha. [ It's said quietly, but firmly. ] It was never about that...
[ Even he can't quite explain his rationale, but it's got nothing to do with wanting to be with someone else. If there's one thing he is sure of, it's that he doesn't want to be anywhere but here with her. ]
I don't know how to be what... you want me to be. Yet. [ Visibly, he looks ashamed to say that, because he knows he's hurting her. The fact that she even has to question her right to be here after coming back to life makes him feel sick. Why does he keep letting her down like this?! ]
It's you who doesn't need someone like me.
no subject
She's silent for a long few moments after he finishes speaking. If she's well within her rights to demand an answer, then... ]
Jaune, what do you want?
[ It's gently asked. For what seems like the millionth time, she's telling herself, one more try and then she's done -- ]
no subject
I... want to wake up every morning, and not be scared of losing everything again. It's messed up, I know.
[ It's why he trains himself to exhaustion every night, why he's paranoid whenever the team doesn't stick together, why he can't commit to anything else - not a job, not romance. It's not the leader's job to ever make the team worry about them either, it's at least one thing only he and Ruby understand about each other, but Pyrrha likely knows this side of him, too. ]
Truth is, I'm not doing very okay.
[ And he needs her. Does he really have to actually spell it out? ]
no subject
Sliding a few inches toward, her arms come around him, enfolding him in a clear, warm hug. There's arguably a note of intimacy in it, something indistinguishably beyond platonic in the way she buries her face against the crook of his neck. One hand rubs at his back. ]
Jaune... [ Her voice tries for the assurance of her last life, but - when he breaks, she breaks too. ]
You don't have to do any of this alone.
no subject
[ He's not sure if he can, even. But Pyrrha is here, once again giving him exactly what he needs, and one day he will give her what she wants, too. What they both want. If... she's willing to be patient with his own recovery process. ]
Is it... really okay, then? Can we be, like, the new Ren and Nora now? Or-- just us. Jaune and Pyrrha.
[ What he means is being together but not together-together until he gets his shit... together! But also trusting in where they are standing with each other.
Oh hell, he'll just say it: ]
There's no one else.
no subject
As soon as she does, a square foot of flowers bloom in the front yard, yellow and pink petals spreading toward the sky.
Somewhat embarrassed, somewhat hiding a smile, Pyrrha averts her head. ]
... It's okay. I would have waited before, if you had only asked me.
[ Implying she didn't wait before (she totally did) -- oops! :D ]
no subject
Jaune's hand comes up and he traces the spot that Pyrrha just kissed on his head. Unlike her, he doesn't hide his smile, but he also doesn't realize that he is in fact responding with one. It's moot in the end anyway, as Pyrrha is the one who's looking away this time when he faces her. ]
It goes without saying, but you don't have to do anything alone either. I mean it, I'll always have your back, even if nothing else makes sense to me.
[ Let's not repeat history, basically. ]
no subject
I'll always have your back...
On her next words, her tone lightens. Unlike before, it's genuine. ]
Well. [ On her second impulse in as many minutes, she burrows under his arm, gently forcing it around her. ] I'll try to make sure everything makes sense this time around.